3/20/11 Breathing new life into my photography.....

I have been attending an online workshop this weekend. I have learned so much and have realized that I have a new love for photography. I have been completely amazed. I can tell you this, I have pulled out my manual for my camera. I will be learning new things daily. I am ready for this adventure!!! BRING IT ON! I cant wait to see where it goes....

catching up.....am I seriously 4 days behind.

Where has the time gone....I feel like I am slipping away. I was so determined to do this....I was pushing other people and I can't even keep it up myself. What does that say about me.....my email boxes are filling back up after I spent 2 whole days cleaning them out. my blogs are slacking my diet is all but disappeared and it is only 15 days into the year. I feel like that makes me look weak. I know that is how it makes me feel. I read this the other day and it is a quote by Cary Grant... 
"My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can." I love the quote but I dont want to just occupy my time...I want to live in between those times...I have often heard it say its not the dates on the headstone that matter it is the dash in between those dates. Today I saw a quote on a friends page that said if we are always dreaming about what we could be...we are wasting the person that we are. I have thought about that for a little while now. i have wondered to myself if I am wasting the person that I am today by trying to become something better. I dont know how to look at it. I feel like I have dreams and goals set that I am working toward...but is striving to achieve something the same as dreaming about it...if I am working to achieve it is it wasting who I am. I am so confused by these thought and if you are reading this...I am sure I am confusing you and you think I am completely insane. I am so glad this is my blog and these are my thoughts that I can throw on it to try to make some sense out of it....
So tomorrow when i get out of this bed......

I am going to my best to do something that matters to me...I am going to spend some much needed time with my hubby. I feel like I have let him down as well as myself this past week by letting everything go. These past few days this bed has been what was defining me....I am so exhausted no matter how much time I seem to spend there and then I end up not sleeping...just laying there....tossing, turning, reading, tossing, turning....it is a vicious cycle......Then when I get up and go in the kitchen....I see this....

It usually says it is after noon and then I feel like I have lost most of my day and then I start getting depressed and accomplish absolutely NOTHING! It is not a great feeling. I end up just giving up. I am tired of giving up and I refuse to let these two items I love so much get the best of me. Hopefully tomorrow I will start letting them go....no matter what time I get out of bed....I will go to the gym and I will make the most of tomorrow no matter what I end up doing or how late I end up doing it.....I am going to take my life back and do something with the time that I have been blessed with!

1/11/11 The definition of what I hope to be.

So in doing this 365 project, I have really had to think hard about what exactly defines me. How do you know the answer to that. maybe some people do but I myself have discovered this week that I am struggling to know WHAT DEFINES ME! Me as in Donna Michelle Oates. I am Mary and Thomas Williams Daughter, the baby of 7 children, (well technically they had 6 and then adopted me) I am the Daughter in law of Foster and Tricia Oates, I am the wife of Shane Oates. I am the mother of none..( 9 miscarriages later). I am the friend of many. I am the owner of a lot of dogs and 2 cats and several fish. I am a photographer. I am a business owner. I am pretty crafty if I can make myself get motivated. I am learning to cook. I am overweight. I am trying to do something about being overweight. But what does any of this say about who I really am or what I want to be or what my dreams and goals are. Somewhere in the beginning of this challenge I have asked myself the question over and over again....What defines me. The stresses of every day life? The love of my husband whom I love and adore and appreciate above all else? I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea what defines me because I truly have no idea of what or who I am. Well I cant say that...because I know WHAT I am....I am just not sure of WHO I am. I was hanging out with Rachel the other night and was going thru some of the writing that I have done and ran across an email I once got.

May We All Be Coffee

A carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
Category: Life

Carrots, Eggs & Coffee
A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a
cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and
how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to
make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling.
It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with
water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the
first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last
she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without
saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the
carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and
placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a
bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.
She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the
daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she
observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The
daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked,
'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same
adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in
strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the
boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile.
Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after
sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The
ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling
water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on
your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee
bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but
with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with
the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a
financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and
stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and
tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot
water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets
hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean,
when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation
around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest
do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to
make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make
you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of
everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their
way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you
can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and
heartaches.


May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!

It really made me start to think about what I am doing and if I am letting life squeeze the life outta me.... or if I am letting it harden me....what I want to do is to be like a coffee bean..... I want to change the world around me...not give in and let it change me.... So today...what defines me is COFFEE!!!!!

1/10/11...my makeup day....

This was the picture I intended to take and post yesterday...however...I started feeling really bad...so it had to be made up for today. This man certainly defines me. I never ever thought I would be where I am today. I have fallen so deeply in love with this man....I love most everything about him. I wouldnt trade him for the world. I feel like I have most definitely found the place where my heart feels at home.....Although I find myself competing with that game he is playing...LOL!

1/9/11 Day 1 of something that defines me.....

I have been thinking about this all day wondering what was going to define me today. Although I love my husband more than words could ever begin to imagine and I was about to go take a picture of him playing his game....Jackie came in the dining room where I was sitting thinking about this blog and she was completely comical. Yes it was cold outside and she was about to walk out the door to stay at a friends house....however she looked like the little kid on a christmas story according to Rachel...you know the one who couldnt put his arms down because he had on so many layers.....She had on jeans, sweatpants, and flannel pajamas. She had on a tshirt a hoodie and another jacket....she said I am kinda hot right now but it is cold out there....you know those whole 2 minutes from the house to the warm vehicle and from the warm vehicle to the other house. Bless her heart. I am not making fun of her but this was hilarious. I am so thankful that she is a part of my life. Although I would never try to replace her mother, I am very blessed that she is just like a daughter to me....Thank you Jaq for bringing such an amazing joy into my life and replacing an insane amount of hurt from not being able to have a child. I love you pretty girl! THank you for making me smile and giving me purpose on a daily basis. you will never know exactly what you mean to me! and that is ok...because I do! I LOVE YOU!

1/8/11 The Momma......

If there ever was a momma who loved her kids and would dedicate her life to being a mother it is this woman. She has truly become my very best friend. From the time I first met her I knew there was something special about her. I dated the father or her 2 older children a few years ago and we often tease the reason I was with him was so that her and the kids could pass thru my life. I truly believe that and I am so very thankful for the friendship that I have with her. The love that I have from her kids. They truly feel like my own. The 2 older ones often joke that I am their second mom. I dont think I could love them any more if they were my own. I was blessed to spend some time with them today and was once again reminded why I feel as though they are a part of my family! From the minute I saw them came the hugs and the kisses and the I have missed you soooooooooooo muches. There is nothing in the world like those feelings for me. I am so thankful! I have learned so much from this family.....starting with "THE MOMMA". I have never seen anyone aside from my own mom be so giving to her children. She has given them the love and support every child deserves. I cant ever remember a time since I have known her that she didnt make those children her #1 priority. She has 4 kids of her own, as well as a step daughter that now lives with her. Since I have known her I have seen her take in a teenage boy that belonged to a friend for 5 years while she was away. I have seen her take in 3 children that belonged to a family member for almost a year while they got their life straight. I remember at one point there was a total of 9 kids living in that house while she was practically a single mom. Her husband was working out of town during the week and would leave late sunday night and be gone until Late Thursday night or sometimes Friday afternoon even. She never missed a beat. She did soccer practice and games, swim practice and meets, she was the PTO President, the Leader of the Girl Scouts, helped with Boy Scouts and even got the volunteer or the year award for the Elementary School that her younger children attended. She was pretty much a fixture at the school. Everyone had breakfast before going to school and lunches made, and then she was right there waiting to hear how their days were as she picked them up school after school. I often wondered how she did it. She did ALL of this while still finding the time to be the friend I so desperately needed at the time. It didnt matter what she was doing if I needed her she always had time. I learned from her what the meaning of friendship really was. I havent been such a great friend to her but she has never skipped a beat. I am so thankful and I truly hope that this year I can give back some of the friendship that she has bestowed upon me..... I love you Scarlett....and I am so thankful that you are my friend! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your childrens lives and always encouraging a relationship between them and me. I do love them like they are my own! You ROCK the Momma name....I can only hope if I am ever blessed with Children of my own that I can be half the momma that you are.....those children are very blessed that you are theirs!

1/7/11 My daily dose of amusement.....

It never ceases to amaze me how amused we get with the cats...We have 2 of them now but this one just popped up on our doorstep a few months ago....my brother the tender heart that he is started feeding her while he was housesitting for us. She never really wanted to come in the house...but everytime we walked out on the porch she was laying there so sweet and always picked her head up to see us and looking like she was pleading with us to pet her....and of course we did....we tried bringing her in the house.....but Voodoo our other cat was having absolutely no part of that...He would chase her and they would hiss at each other and growl and into the couch she would go and hide...that lasted all of about 3 hours....and as soon as she caught the door open out she went...but she never ventured farther than the garage....so we let her be and just continued feeding her. Well when it got really cold outside, Shane and I decided that we didn't have the heart to leave her out there. So we went and got a second litter box and brought her back in...and then just watched and waited and hoped that Voodoo would be nice. Suprisingly after the first few hours they were great together. Now a few weeks later they are our daily dose of comedy....They chase each other around the house and bat at each other....one will be laying around the corner and the other will come by and get caught off guard and so begins the rumble....it is freaking hilarious...it is like our own personal episode of Tom and Jerry....Tonight was no different....This little one is comical all on her own....she chases her tail, and a ball all over the house and gets into small spaces apparently just to see if she can fit and then tries to bat at her tail...I love her so much....tonight's adventure consisted of a tabby cat and a 3/4 empty water case (plastic wrap).

I am so thankful that she chose our doorstep and our hearts are too big to turn her away.....she has truly been a blessing to my soul....she can be the sweetest thing and then go from angel to demon in like 2.7 seconds. We don't think she is more than a year old if she is that and she still has the playfulness of a kitten. I wouldn't trade her now for the world. Shane's favorite thing to say now is if you need some comic relief or if you are feeling down...just find the cats....LOL!

1/6/11 Something that makes me smile....

My mom tried so hard to teach me to crochet when I was a little girl...but I could never learn,....everything was always backwards for me. You see she was right handed and I was left handed, so I would always get frustrated and give up. I wish I had had more patience with myself and with crocheting. In the past few years I have come to absolutely love it. Although I have only finished a couple of projects, I tend to start a million. :) However in the last year I have gotten better at it. I am doing my best to finish the projects I have started before the end of January. I know that I can do it...I just have to put my mind to it....So when i finish this blog I am going to work on this particular blanket that is part of a Christmas present for someone very special to me. Now if I can just make the blanket look like the picture....(of course in different colors but you get the idea). I love love love my new basket that my honey got me for Christmas...now I can crochet ANYWHERE!!! I love him and he knows me well!  I hope you all have a wonderful night...and if you have something that you love to do....do it! The accomplishment is worth the fight!

1/5/11 Pictures that inspire me to keep picking up my camera and trying.....

I never let myself get so cocky that I don't think I can do better. If anything I am the complete opposite. I think that my photos don't measure up. I look at all these phenomenal photographers and wonder how in the world I can ever get as good as them....Then I look back at some of my pictures that have taken my breath away and I think did I really take that. The answer would be yes. I dont ever want to get to the point that I think I am the best there is. I want to keep that sense of wonder and excitement. The sense that makes me strive to do better.... this summer while Shane and I were in North Carolina we passed by this barn. I fell in absolute love. I made him stop, turn around and go back so that I could get a picture of it. Never dreaming that I would love the picture just as much as I loved the actual barn. It was one of those wow that's really my picture. I am so blessed to have a passion for what I do. I love what I do and I can only hope that it shows in my pictures. Every time I pick up my camera I learn something new. I hope that continues every time I get behind the lens.......

1/4/11 The beginning of the end....(so to speak)

I didnt take a picture today. Nor did I even touch my camera. It has sat in its bag all day long staring at me...saying hello you havent picked me up today...LOL! I was just having one of those days where I didnt really have the motivation to do ANYTHING! However this morning I was going thru some older pictures in a box that I want to sort and start archiving and ran across what has to be my most favoritist picture ever! It was an accident if you can believe that. My friend from school came to visit me when I lived in Phenix City, Al and we took her boys to the river walk and took some pictures of them... I was trying to pose them for some pictures and turned out ok...it was before I was really into photography. However as she and I were talking I was still snapping some of the boys playing, running around etc....I just happened to catch this shot. I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH IT EVER SINCE. Sometimes I think that pictures was the whole reason I decided to become a photographer.....so I guess as they say it was the beginning of the end. :) A good end! I am truly blessed to be able to do what I love and love what I do! So here is where it all started! Thank you Joe and Kade for being such an inspiration to me.....

1/3/11 Another place to be myself...

 So this is my scrapbook cabinet....Kinda messy, really needs attention. This is another goal I have set for some me time. I love to scrapbook. I love to capture memories and preserve them. I take tons of pictures. Now I just have to do something with them. Its not like I dont have the stuff to do something with them. I just keep telling myself that I dont have the time. But it is time for me to make time! I have a TON of paper....a couple of kits, a ton of stickers, embellishments, etc. I just have to make time to do something with all of them. I have to put it in my head to get my creativeness back on track. This used to be one of my absolute favorite hobbies. I need to regain that love. I always feel so accomplished after I have made a page and preserved some kind of memory.

 This is All stickers, and cutouts, kinda like clip art. A lot of people have gotten into digital scrapbooking aka digiscrapping. I understand the concept and have even tried it....however I dont like it. It doesnt give me the same kind of satisfaction as when I actually get to cut and glue and make a mess...LOL!

 A couple of "COMPLETE" kits or so the box says. But they are NEVER really complete. There is always something to be added or you feel like something is missing. However it is a great base which is why when I find them on clearance, I always pick one up.
Sheets upon sheets of paper....bought on sale or on clearance just because it was pretty. And pretty it is...it is TOO pretty to just be sitting on the shelf in my cabinet! I see it at the store and think OOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhh that would be awesome with this that or the other picture, so I buy it or my sweet wonderful hubby buys it for me......and there is sits on the shelf.....I do the same with albums because they are so pretty and so expensive...so when I run across them I pick them up thinking that would make an awesome present but I never get around to putting it all together. So in 2011 I plan to finish some projects and get some things off of this shelf. I cant wait to share my creativity.!!!

Today was a very productive day. Both physically and emotionally. I got up this morning before 8am. and got my day started. It took a left turn when the appointment that was scheduled got cancelled. however I didnt let it derail me. I got on my computer and started my workday. Then the internet tried to derail me, the servers were down. But I didnt let it. I just went about doing other things and went back to it later and finally got some things accomplished. I am feeling really good about this year. Now if I can just keep my positive attitude and determination we will be doing alright. I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings.

1/2/11 How I lose myself...

 Just a few of my favorite places to get lost....so thankful for a husband who listens when I say I love this author..or when I point a book out and say I really wanna read that. These were a few of my Christmas presents from him.....I am so blessed! I LOVE YOU SHANE OATES! 

I love to read....for a little while I can slip into someone elses life. I can forget about all the drama and misunderstandings and chaos of my life and lose myself in someone elses world. I will pick up one of these books and before you know it somehow I have read half the night away. I can truly feel like I am someone else for just a little while and no matter what happened to me...I know that there will be a happy ending. This calms me and gives me a peace because although my problems are not gone, I have had time to get away from them and most of the time come back with a different perspective. Or at best a little less attitude. I dont know how many times I have read till I fell asleep and then woke up much happier. I know that most people think fairy tales are nonsense and romance is long gone....but I refuse to give up on either of them. My fairytale is my own and only I can write it. I hope to fill my life with love and family and friends. My goals for this new year are pretty simple. I have started thinking a little more about me. This past year was a tough one. I refuse to relive it. But I did learn quite a few lessons from it. One of my goals is to pick up a real PAPER BACK book more often and cuddle in a comfy chair or in my bed and get lost for a little me time.......

1/1/11 What inspires me

What inspires me today is this. A simple plant that with care grows and flourishes. I think that there are things in my life that I could apply this to. This plant started out as nothing but leaves, and now has green peppers that taste amazing and if left long enough and cared for turn into these beautiful sweet red peppers. I feel like there are little steps that can be taken in everyones life that if with a little care can grow and flourish. I am looking forward to 2011 and what this year holds for me as a person, as a wife, as a business owner, as a friend, and as an important part of my family. I have a lot to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for a small little pepper plant that made me think about and inspect parts of my life!